Becoming A Mother

Bonding With Your Baby

Unconditional love.

That is what a woman should feel the moment she lays eyes on her brand new baby. Her world fills up with devotion and affection. The best day of her life.

I suppose some woman DO experience these emotions, but that was not my case.

When Liam was born, via c-section, I heard his cry, and I smiled. A few minutes later, my husband, Jay Jay, had him in his arms and brought him over so that I could see his little face. I didn’t feel any infatuation or fondness for this little creature. I thought he was cute and I knew I would love him, but that was it.

The second time I saw him I was in the post-op room. The nurse brought him and laid him on my chest. He was so sweet and little and hairy.

I then met with him again in the recovery room. There is where we spent our first three days together. All he did was sleep, poop, and try to breastfeed. With visitors coming in and out, my mother (whom I am so grateful for) constantly holding him, and my husband changing all his diapers, I felt v e r y irrelevant.

Whenever it was his time to eat, whoever was in the room would shove him on my boob. I cannot tell you how many hands handled my breasts. As he settled into my arms, I felt like I was holding someone else’s baby.

Today, when he settles into me, what I feel is stronger than unconditional love.

I feel more than what words can articulate. It’s a devoutness and enchantment that for a little while I didn’t experience.

With that being said, here are five basic tips that I believe helped me bond with my baby when breastfeeding was not an option and the feelings of inadequacy were clouding my emotions.

 

Change All The Diapers

Changing your baby’s diaper is such a simple task, yet a very engaging one. While you change his/her diaper you get to caress their tiny body and feel the warmth that flows out their pores. The warmth of the human life YOU created and nourished for however long he/she was inside of you. With that said, also let your partner do it as they need bonding too.

Look Them In The Eye

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and there is no purest soul than that of an innocent baby. When I lock eyes with my angel, it fills my heart.

Kiss, Kiss, And Baby Bond

My favorite spot to kiss is his cheeks and neck area. His little folds and the baby breath that lingers is heavenly. Kiss your baby as much as possible to bond on a physical level.

I Love You!

Telling your baby that you love him/her as often as you can, not only adapts you to doing it often (for the rest of your life – so that your child is always reminded of your unconditional love), it also centers you and helps you find your endearment among all the other overwhelming feelings you have. There will be a point where the emotions you experience are stronger than the word Love.

Be Present

At all times. When you are feeding your baby, take the time to learn his/her face and process the cuteness you created. Take in all the baby glory and don’t get distracted by the TV or your phone. At first, I would take his feeding times as a break and I would watch TV or look through Instagram, only looking down at my baby to make sure he was drinking right. This was distancing me from him. I believe that being fully present during his feeds have made a world of a difference in my bonding experience. If there is one thing you follow from this list, let it be this! Feeding time has now become my favorite time.

These tips may seem obvious, but when your every minute of the day is filled up with newborn duties and baby blues, these actions may escape your mind. Good luck with everything and I hope this helped!

Love,
Jamnetty

A mother to a strong willed little boy and wife to a kind hearted man. Jamnetty spends her afternoons finding ways to entertain her son and thinking up topics to write about. She is passionate about personal growth and family lifestyle design.

8 Comments

  • Angie

    It’s been awhile since I’ve had babies in my household (oldest is 9, youngest is 8) but I do remember the feeling of irrelevance at the hospital. I did not bond with my children there at all. It all happened at home, on our own schedule, doing things our way. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Congrats on your newest edition!

  • Angelle

    Such a wonderful read. I love your list of bonding tips for new mothers. A babies little eyes shining are a true glimpse of their soul and unconditional love.

  • Jules

    YES!!! This is such amazing advice and the real truth about how to get past that first encounters you have with this new person! I almost died with my oldest and wasn’t able to pick her up or carry her anywhere. I felt like a milk tap! It was really the little, intentional actions that I made with her that allowed me to bond and grow with her! Thank you for your sharing this realism about motherhood!

    Cheers!

  • Stacy Liz

    I love this write up and all the tips for bonding with your baby. As a first-time mom myself, I’ve learned so much through the process. It is such a special topic that I think is important. <3

  • Chandra @ The Simplified Family

    I had this experience with my 3rd baby. I didn’t want anything to do with him when I was at the hospital. The nurses helped me through my emotions and I was able to apply these exact ideas that you have suggested. Thanks for being so open about your emotions and be willing to share your experience. You will help many others along their journey.

  • Sammi

    I love this post. I’m quite fearful that I won’t feel that instant motherly bond with my baby when he arrives, but reading all of this makes it seem less scary. Thanks 🙂

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