Before I was a mother, I was a lover. For five years all my sweet social media posts, romantic actions, and heart belonged to my one and only love, Jay Jay.
We started dating in July of 2012, became engaged in December of 2015, got married in December of 2016, and became parents in August of 2017. We did not get the chance to relish in our newlywed stage because we found out we were expecting three weeks after getting married. From that moment on, our focus was our baby, finding financial stability to raise our baby, and figuring out all that we needed to have in place before our baby came. To say that the eight months after our wedding and of my pregnancy were the most emotional and trying times we experienced as a couple is not enough.
My hubby and I were not financially prepared to bring a little human into this world, but we were excited and anxious. The excitement of becoming new parents took over our lives and we slowly lost sight of the meaning of marriage. Now, do not get me wrong. We were a team. We worked through everything together and we loved each other just as we always had, but we did not take the time to enjoy this new phase of our life.
If I think back to the only time we experienced what being newlyweds felt like, I would say that it was the ten days after our wedding. We spent our honeymoon traveling through Tennessee and Georgia. It was in those ten days that we conceived our little bundle.
Our sweet Liam was born on August 14. Almost a month ahead of schedule and due to a mild case of preeclampsia. From the moment he was born, he became our world, but we did struggle a lot. Emotionally, financially, and romantically. No one tells you this about parenthood so let me just break it to you. . . . YOU WILL ARGUE AND DISAGREE ON ALMOST EVERYTHING.
I like to think that my husband and I have a very strong bond and I have been blessed to have him. He has put up with a lot from me. Especially my crazy preggo hormones and even crazier postpartum ones, but everyone has a breaking point and his breaking point came about a month after Liam was born.
I was at my worse. I felt all sorts of emotions and all sorts of irrational fears. Having a brand new baby is scary, but when you are a type A researcher of all things, scary does not even come close. I started doubting everything I was doing and in return, I doubted everything my hubby did too. My passive aggressive ways did not help. I always sounded accusatory and knocked down any ideas or solutions my hubby brought to the table.
I can speak of this now because I came to terms with it. Just as I was trying to figure things out, he was too. The difference between him and I was my postpartum hormonal imbalance. My feelings and actions were at the time out of my control, but I slowly realized it and accepted it.
Being a mother is a huge responsibility. One that comes with a lot of overwhelming days, frustrating moments, and bouts of doubtfulness. But here is the thing, being a wife is a huge responsibility. One that comes with a lot of overwhelming days, frustrating moments, and bouts of doubtfulness too. I, unwillingly, abandoned my wifey duties and focused so very hard on becoming a mother. This drew a wedge between Jay Jay and me, he, however, remained supportive and somewhat understanding of my situation.
His readiness to put himself in my shoes and see things from my perspective is what saved us. Jay Jay told me once that he loved Liam and me equally. Those words brought about my epiphany. I thought I was supposed to love Liam more than anyone, put him above EVERYONE, and make him my number one. I was wrong, gals.
There HAS to be a balance between marriage and motherhood. Although different kinds of love, that for a husband and that for a child should both be unconditional, forgiving, and patient.
So give your hubby a break, give yourself a break, and delight in the construction of your new family life. Try to be understanding and compassionate and remember that you are both feeling the pressure.