I am a controlling mother. That is my truth.
I want Liam’s routines to be consistent, I only want him to be cared for by my husband and I, and I want my husband to care for him the same way I do because apparently I believe that my way is the safest and only way.
The hardest part of becoming a mother has been learning to let go and accept that I cannot micromanage it all.
I have also been learning the difference between advocating for my baby and trying to C O N T R O L each aspect of his care. This is definitely a work in progress, but I do see some the light at the end of the tunnel.
In the three short months of Liam’s life, I have added unnecessary stress to MY life by questioning everyone’s approach to the way they carry, feed, touch, and love my sweet Liam. My excuse is that I don’t want him to suffer, get hurt, or damaged for the rest of his life, but are these legitimate justifications for my feelings and actions?
Looking from the outside in, NO.
Looking from the inside out. YES.
Liam is my life, my heart, and my soul.
He is my forever love.
I want the best for him, but if a family member carries him in a position I’m not too fond off, does that mean he is no receiving the best care? If a friend takes multiple photos of him in an unflattering angle and posts them on social media, is Liam’s livelihood being affected? If my husband puts more water in the bathtub than I do, is he suffering? The answer to all these questions is NO. So why am I stressing and fussing over it? Possibly ruining relationships with those close to me? Well, it seems that the problem is me and my new-mom syndrome.
If you can relate to me or fear that this will be you once your baby arrives, here are a few tips to overcome this control problem — keeping in mind that you can still advocate for your baby and their best interest without being a total controlling b*tch.
Controlling Your Emotions
Becoming a brand new parent comes with a lot of overwhelming feelings and fears. You will doubt yourself, your partner, and everyone around you. You will allow your emotions to control you; leading to you trying to control E V E R Y T H I N G, except your emotions. Keep your fears at bay by dealing with things in a logical rather than emotional way.
Communicate & Trust Your Partner
Do not suppress your emotions. Talk everything out with your partner in a non-accusatory way, because in my experience, bottled-up feelings lead to lashing out. Also, learning to give control to your partner instead of taking it can be helpful. Express to your partner that you want them to take the reigns for a while. This will relieve you of the stress and teach you to have faith in others by entrusting them with your baby’s care.
Change Your Mindset
The main reason why I am so controlling is that I want everything to be perfect, but perfection is non-attainable. I have to, on a daily, change my mindset and think about my actions.
Because of my controlling ways, I happen to come across a little aggressive, when in reality I’m just trying to look out for my baby. The solution to this dilemma is to figure out which emotion is driving this madness and adjust it. In my case, I have found that the emotion that drives me to be a control freak is F E A R. I worry that something will happen to Liam and the truth is that those who care for him, would not allow anything bad to happen to him. However, as I write this and as I attempt to change my mindset, the fear is still there. This is definitely a work in progress.
Related : How To Change Your Mindset
Practice self-acceptance and compassion. Understand that it is normal to feel the way you feel and that you are not a bad person for it. Being gentle with yourself takes hard work because we are our worse critics, but to be able to accept others and entrust them, you must accept yourself and trust that you are capable of choosing good caretakers for your baby.
These are the things I have found have helped me through the process of becoming less controlling. I have a long way to go and hope to someday be free of these emotions. If you have any tips that have helped you, please share!