What is your life’s’ purpose?
I thought that as a mom, my purpose was TO BE A MOM.
The past few days have taught me that even though I enjoy being a mom, it is not my life’s purpose. I mean, am I the only one that feels that way?
With all of the mommy instagramers and bloggers out there, it almost feels like mothering HAS to be a mothers’ purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I love so many of these women who are slaying the social media game and creating incredible content and making a living doing what they love. I love them so much that for a long time now I thought that was who I wanted to be. I thought it so hard that I created my own blog (hi. this is my blog.), I created and deleted and created and deleted and created Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook accounts to represent “my brand” and my blog. I dove in head first and dedicated my free hours to writing, but mostly planning for things to write. I also planned for a YouTube channel and ways to grow my business and I read so many blogs about blogging and about monetizing all of my online content. I delved so deep into the rabbit hole that I convinced myself that this was my passion. This right here was the reason why I had failed at so many things before. This was what I was meant to do.
Let me just say that I have met so many wonderful women and I have learned so much about myself, but this is not my purpose. This whole blogging and Instagrammer deal has become a chore, a competition, and quite frankly, A DRAG. I can openly admit that even though I love sharing my experiences and connecting with other moms, I have held on to the idea that blogging is the answer to my financial problems. I have told my husband, countless times, that when my blog makes it big, I will retire him and we can both work from home on our online business and live happily ever after. It is the idea of making it big and financial freedom that has kept me going and I can’t keep going. I cannot keep believing the idea that if I keep forcing myself to write things I do not want to write and impress women I do not want to impress, that I will make it big and all of my problems will be solved.
Not only is this idea irrational, for me, it is also completely unaligned with the person I truly am and even though I hardly recognize that person anymore, I am working on getting back to me.
So if becoming an influencer is not my purpose, if the job I am currently at is not my purpose, if being a mother or a wife is not my purpose, then what is? Honestly, I am not sure. I do know, however, that my purpose will be something outside of any role I fill in my life at the moment. My purpose is not directly attached to me because my purpose is something with which I can change the world in a small way or at least change someone else’s world. My purpose is that thing that I will love even on the hard days.
For now, I will work on getting back to myself. I will begin to do the things I truly enjoy, like reading, homemaking, listening to good music, and writing what I am inspired to write, amongst other things. I will also stop doing the things that serve me no purpose, like trying to fit in with people I do not even want to align myself with, feeding into drama, and trying to impress those who already constructed their own opinions of me.
Needless to say, but most necessary, I will stop blogging with the hopes of making it big, I will stop trying to grow an audience on social media, and I will no longer focus on taking the easy way out of difficult situations.
I do not have anything to prove to anyone other than myself and neither do you.
I hope I find my purpose soon, but in the meantime, I will live with this clarity and I will be unapologetically ME.
So Much Love,